I Survived 2012!

How time fly by so fast! It's less than 24 hours before 2013. Looking back, I realized that I am so blessed and lucky despite of some unfortunate events that happened to me.

This year, I have been on a rollercoaster ride. All the rants and the sentiments, I just kept it in myself. I have been dreaming of an extravagant year because this was the year that I would be celebrating my debut, my 18th year. If you have read in my July blog post about my dream debut, I was so sad because my dream has never entered reality. On a lighter note, I am still thankful to Him because He have blessed me in other ways.

My family have been in a moving on stage for a year now. My grandfather's death had left a huge scar, but I believe that it must be healed for us to stand alone without our old man's presence. I wish that on 2013, our family would have its prosperity and happiness again.

One of the things that added colors to my 2012 is my friends. We call ourselves as Ultraman Gang and we have been hanging out for a year now. For us, it's not about how long you have been, it's the toughness of friendship that matters.

This year was also a roller coaster in my love-life. My boyfriend and I have been into ups and downs, make-ups and break-ups but in the end, our love has conquered it all. We managed to talk about our problems and never let it big and just focused on each other.

If you're going to ask what's best in my 2012? I got a chance to go to school again and pursue my dream of being a civil engineer! I thank God, my aunts and my parents for giving me another chance to study again after a year or two of being a couch potato. Because of this, I have met these awesome people and it feels so good that every semester, we're increasing!

2012 has been a good year to me though I have experienced some shortcomings but that doesn't stop me from being happy because I believe that there is more to happiness than hatred.

Happy New Year everyone! We must all move forward from the storm that 2012 has brought us and be thankful on the blessings that it has showered us. We all deserve to be better and be happy this 2013. Smile and spread the love! X

Yes and No. Why?

I had a dream last night, you were there by my side.
We were in a known crowd and you feel so proud.

Your lips were on mine, never realizing that people are unkind.
Yes, we’re still together.
No, not anymore. Never.

Then I woke up touching my lips,
Thinking if it happened so I could savor it for keeps.
Yes, it was just a dream.
No, it must be real.

You kept appearing in my dreams 
Could you do it for real as a gift?
Oh yes, we could have a sequel for our love story.
Oh no, it already ended and became a tragic history.

18th on Friday the 13th

Today, I just turned 18. I am officially legal, a full grown, matured lady. But, I don't consider myself, of legal age. For me, I'm still a sweet sixteen girl who's vulnerable and bubbly at the same time. I have my childlike attitudes that I couldn't get rid of because, it's my nature. I am still that skinny girl who loves to love and be loved.

In my past years, I have dreamt of having a fairytale-like birthday party. Celebrating my legalization on a Friday the 13th with my program entitled as "Fling Friday". I'm imagining myself in a beautiful, glittery, white ball gown with my 7 inches nude stilletos on. I want my entourage to be in a staircase, full of pink Tulips, at a garden in Gilmore, with some "She Will Be Loved" background. And, I'm going to dance with the 18 most handsome friends and relatives followed by my gorgeous 18 candles. Then, I will end up that night at exactly 12:00 midnight while watching an amazing fireworks in the tune of "Moment 4 Life" by my favorite rapper, Nicki Minaj.

Then after that, I wanna have my after party on a Saturday night. I wanted it to be a pool party overlooking Manila in Antipolo. It's gonna be like a mini-concert with my band, "Belbes Rebolber" and after that, my favorite HipHop/RnB songs will be mixed at 12:00 midnight to 3:00 am. We're just gonna party, and get drunk, 'till me and my friends drop.

Sunday, would be a family day for me. We're just going to pig out and celebrate. I also wanna grab that opportunity to introduce my long time boyfriend (and hopefully, soon-to-be-husband)to my family and friends. (Wishful thinking.)

But, those dreams are stuck in dreamland. It could never happen at this moment. Let's just say that, I have a lot of important priorities to accomplish rather than spending bucks for that extravagant party. Yet, I know that it could enter reality, I claim it now. After I graduate, I would really make that fairytale party happen. It's never too late, right? And besides, I still don't look 18, do I?

God has a greater plan. If not now, it'll happen in His perfect time. But at this moment, I wanna thank Him for making my 18 years of existence a fruitful, blissful and colorful one! I offer all my love to You, my Lord. I love You! Happy 18th Birthday to me!

Fairytale Dreams

One month to go and I'm turning 18. Should I be excited or not? Yes, I'm getting giddy for that, but everytime I think about our family's situation, I'm getting hopeless.

I dreamt of having a fairytale themed debut. I wanted a glittering, nude ball gown paired with a glass shoe like Cinderella's and my hair like Princess Belle's (Beauty and the Beast). And, I wanted it to be in a wonderful garden filled with lights and flowers like Snow White's garden. I have listed my 18 roses, 18 candles and 18 gifts already. I also designed my invitation and planned the programme, too. But, all of that would just be in my dreams.

I know that, maybe, it could never happen now because there are a lot of things that should be accomplished first. But, I still hold on to my faith that I could celebrate my birthday with the most important people in my life, even in a simple party. You may think that I'm too shallow but for an only child who have employed parents, this is an important thing. Oh, well..

I believe that I deserve to have a celebration on my birthday, the day that I would be a lady. I would just wait and look forward for some miracles to happen. I know God has something for me and He would not fail me.

Happy, advanced, birthday to me!

Rainbow Rants

It's been so long since I've updated this blog! I missed my breath-taking background, my poems, prose and my sentiments. I feel like updating this site more often because this is just the perfect space for my rants. Yes, if you have read and visited my two other blogs, you will know how I love to rant about things.

But before that, I just wanted to share some of the major things that changed me in the past few months that I have missed my Blogger (in case you haven't read my other blogs).

I could compare it to a rainbow. Yes, that colorful lines that appear after the rain.

After all the darkness that I have undergone, there will always be a time that I would glow. I have been through a lot, but that doesn't stopped me. Sometimes, I felt like giving up. But, I just can't. And, I must not. There are people who still believes in me and as long as they are by my side, I would still hold on.

Problems are just spices of life. And I could say, I'm hot. Ya, know! These struggles would make us strong. As they say, there would be a rainbow, shining through, after the rain.

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Okay. I still need to give more. I'm so lame! I told you I would share a lot, but I just gave you an abstract thought. So now, I promise to pour all my feelings in this blog. I must not be conscious in what others may think of. This is my blog and I could write anything I want here! Yeah, whatever!

Shameless plugging: Kindly visit (and follow) my two other blogs. Thank you!
http://sheilalalove.tumblr.com
http://sheilamasz.wordpress.com

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Keep the Flame Aglow

The first time I saw you

I thought I would go through

I feel a little bit in love,

And so you also do.

We became the very beast of friends

You've never left me in the end,

You've never let my feelings bend,

You've never let my fairy tale end.

As time passed by,

Everybody said goodbye

But you who never lets me cry,

Gave your heart that never dies.

You always make me feel loved

And all the night we make love

But one night, I had a dream

That you and I has a space between.

My heart were torn into pieces

That's when I miss your kisses

Hell yeah, it's time for you to go

But please, keep the flame aglow.

The Hatred In My Heart

Breaking up with you is hard to do.
What would I do if I lose you?
Could we continue the love we had through,
'Coz my mind and heart will broke into two.

I said, "I love you", but you lied.
I said, "I miss you", but you hide.
But all these feelings in my mind
Would never ever left behind.

How I wished I could love again
All the millions and millions of men
But how would I do it if I'm afraid?
Afraid of loving that you have end...

I Love You Goodbye

I really hate a goodbye. But, what if you really care for something even though you want to forget it, for it is something not worthy? And the only answer you may find is just a GOODBYE.

Moving on after a relationship is hard to do especially when you had loved with nothing less, purity, innocence and truthfulness. Indeed, one fact is when it is your first romantic relationship even if it is not your first love.

We started as usual classmates in the beginning. He may be tall, dark, but not totally handsome. I find him attractive, but I’m not with it. We have a circle of friends in our class that must be something that connects us. It was so fun being with them and our friendship was the happiest part of my life. It’s truly a treasure. I really don’t know why it became so complicated for us during the first quarter of our school year. He may not be perfect. But, it seems that he became special to me.

Once, he accidentally, or not, kissed me in front of our classmates. I was totally shocked. I found that what had happened was very embarrassing. Especially like me, if a girl was unconscious of being stolen of a kiss by a guy that’s not even her boyfriend. Gosh! He suddenly courted me. It was something I ought hardly to believe which I thought was also just a part of the dare, like a stolen kiss. I hesitated, but then I took it for granted, because I know it was just some playful thing a boy can do. But then, we had our relationship even with the fact that he had his girl. I know it was just a play, and of course, a play should end. We ended our relationship week after. Everything was back to normal. A couple of weeks he courted me again and discovered that he finally ended his relationship with his girl that I eventually made friend with. We officially got back at once in our sweet romance. I found out many things that I never knew about him. He’s generous, understanding, thoughtful, gentleman, and above all he’s really sweet – that’s what I really like. I had never imagined that we will be together as lovers, for I don’t want to be in a relationship but somehow I like him. It’s like I just followed in the flow of the situation, like a fate. It was mixed emotions – love, happiness, joy, and pain. Our relationship is not easy but it has a lot of complications. Still, we made it through but we broke up in the end because of misunderstanding and pride. “PRIDE” ruined our relationship. He was like a child for not taking the courage to make it up with me and explain. Is that my fault? Well, whatever it is – it’s past. I am willing to listen and understand with his explanation if only he did. But, he did no actions at all. There is one thing I know that’s sure, he’s very honest but beside his honesty is being unfaithful.

It takes time to move on. It may not even reflect on what I am right now – but I know it has to be. I have no regrets in loving him for I know loving is something not to be regretful of. It is a journey of letting yourself learn from your own experiences even from one’s heartache. It is a journey of searching for your own happiness and may it end with nothing left. But, it’s part of it. Not all endings are sorrowful & painful. It may either be happiness or joy. Besides, endings are just part of a beginning. Love has no ending. It’s not just a story because a story can be foretold. It is life. Life that is constantly changing and moving with such emotions. “Love life and live for love”. These are words that have their own meaning and existence. You cannot live without love, and you cannot love without life. I had loved, but I lost it and that loss helped me to know myself if love’s around.

Goodbyes are such sad words of letting go but as long as the words were properly explained you parted in good terms. That’s the most important. He has a new relationship now, but I still love him. And yes, I love him as a past lover. =))

This was the piece I've wrote for him way back in highschool. I didn't have the courage to publish it in our publication, so there.

She Lives in a Fairytale

Life is a taste of bitterness and sweetness.

My life is not that perfect. I'm just a simple girl living in a simple world. I'm contented with what I have but, still dreamed of something that could make my life colorful.

And, I'm craving for love all my life.